yesterday was kind of an explode day for me.

it's a very funny feeling, being hungry with a rumbling stomach and all, yet after the first bite you just feel like throwing everything up again.

walked around with panda, showing her the places which mean so much to me.

maybe i should have just sat outside the band room and waited for the key to come back.

well, instead, i chose to sit at the hydroponics area where we have sectionals. and i just sat down and stoned.

seeing Qingyi and Fionna come over... and i just gave in.

i love you two :)

...

off to Istana... panda dear couldn't come :(

haiz, sad that i couldn't be with the clarinets on the bus...

Istana's rather cool, like really big and all...

the heat almost killed me lah. my head was spinning quite badly.

and it really wasn't a very good performance.

...

back to school, and i think that's where things got kinda bad.

but honestly... you promised that you guys will be trying hard to make it all better for us.

but don't you get it? we're different from Mr Tan's other bands. if he's not used to it, he better get used to it now.

SC Band is SC Band, that's a fact no one can ever change. everyone loved SC Band, we belonged, and the best part? we were happy.

i used to stare at the darn clock wishing that it would hurry up and i could just hurry to the band room and get stands and all.

i actually quite enjoyed trying not to stumble over the whole mess of bags. i enjoyed the super long walks to the far far away classrooms.

i liked learning under Ms Leong and Ms Ng. i really enjoyed it. Ms Leong's beyond cool man.

i used to wish so desperately that i could hurry and join the main band so i could play with them and all.

now, i stare at the darn clock wishing it would hurry up and i could go home and band prac would be over and all.

i miss the old SC Band so much i even ENJOY playing five minutes a day now.

so please, it's just one last thing you can do for us. don't change handover day.

please.

...

lost appetite again today.

i've been doing that quite often lately...

2.4 today made me realise just how demoralised i've become.

but really, i'm tired.

i'm sick and tired of fighting against all this. i'm sick and tired of fighting the notion that it's all over, that i should just give up.

i don't want to give up. i really want the old SC Band back.

yes, maybe the new SC Band's not going to be bad.

call me selfish, but i think we all deserve the best, and SC Band '07 was the best.

i need motivation to keep going to school. that's what band did for me last year. and i need that motivation back.

...

somedays, i just wish i could stay in the band room all day.

there has to be something we can do. something. anything.

i can't give up now.

...

i was being really quiet and all emo-ish today. sorry people, i couldn't help it.

i was just really tired today.

...

i screwed up NAPFA D:

...

i'm going to walk around the school again on Monday.

but i'm not going to cry.

...

how i wish i could talk about this.

but i just can't seem to be able to bring myself to.



anyone knows what song this is?

later, toony