wah... all my motivation to study is gone. all my highness from school today... all gone...

i have just realised how quickly the world changes... maybe not that quick... three years is quite a long time... sigh... all my friends from fuchun... just don't seem to be my friends anymore... they've all changed... and so have i... if i were still in fuchun... it would probably be all different... or... i would avoid them like the plague... or maybe i would be like them... the bimbos and the fat pig...

so difficult to keep up with time... seconds are ticking past... your time on earth is running out... you're a second closer to leaving this world... to enjoy eternal life with God... or to spend eternity with satan... it's so scary...

then again... will i be able to live to get married? to have children? to see them grow? will my time on earth be that long? will i stay on this planet long enough to have grey hair... or grandchildren?

sadness seems to be so contagious... and worst still... science on monday... don't think i'll survive...

i didn't know about wei zong's leg... learnt about it by visiting cailing's blog... he seemed so perfectly fine... one has to admire him for that... God bless him... he was kind to hui min's panda... he hugged it and waved to it... he is so much like a brother... all that from meeting and talking to him just once at oikos... he didn't tell me... i don't blame him...

sigh... all happy happy feeling all gone again... and now... ri sheng can't comfort me the way he used to on my blog... i've read aly's blog... amusing when i was still high... not really amusing anymore... sigh...

if any happy people read this and become sad... i'm sorry... feeling so happy this morning now seems so impossible... such weird mood swings... i'm just like aly... easily happy... but easily sad... sigh...

worst part is... i don't feel like crying... i have to cry... then it won't feel like everything is bottled up inside me... and at this time too... before the freaking science paper... i hate science... i'm sure to get a c... so difficult to get A... judging by my standard... and i have to get A*... must be top 10 in thhe level... otherwise... goodbye SC! and i will hide in my room and CRY.

damn it... two more subjects to go... so many more years to live... wish i could just jump off a building... but i want to go to heaven... suicide might kill my chances of going to heaven... somehow... i feel like i just can't live that many years...

my grandma and grandpa are coming... they'll be here in an hour... sigh... have to act happy... even though i'm not... damn things...

hope i'll be able to enjoy my weekend...

and i really want to cry...

will you pray for me this time?

later, toony