Friday, October 13, 2006

sigh

no wonder i felt so lifeless today... that trip to the science centre didn't make me happy... all that insane laughing during lifeskills was just an outburst of emotion... and all my life is gone yet again... i finally figured out why...

i felt like i was floating through space today... the only person whom i can talk to has disappeared... the only person who brought life to me will be leaving soon... the only thing that i can live for is over... my accomplishments have been made... and worst still... the best principal i have ever known will be leaving SC soon... really can't imagine SC without ms heng... and it goes to prove... that even if i survive the holidays... the next year isn't worth it...

it's such an evil cycle... someone gives me high hopes... then that same person brings it all to the ground again... it felt great to be flying again... but i always end up crashing... and it always hurts so much... and i will retreat further... and i will grow scared... scared of the world... i'm not a tough person... and i really want to cry... but i can't... and that sucks... frankly... then my hopes are raised again... and it starts all over again...

i cried yesterday... only for a moment... i really wish that i could be happy... that trip to the science centre brought back such fond memeories... that place where i had my lunch... it was such a blessing... i was still young... naive... happy... really wish that i can go back in time...

the world didn't use to be such a scary place... i had such great faith in it... maybe that's why i keep getting depressed... so alone yet again... cos' i can't feel their presence anymore... and i might never meet eugenia again... i don't want that... i want to be able to see her all the time...

i need a bigger panda... so i can hug it all the time... terri is too small... too young to understand... and i can't cry to anyone except to myself and to God... so exceptionally lonely...

yet again... forgive me... yet again...

bye all... maybe i'll feel better if i cry...

later, toony

Panda loves !
8:44 PM
PROFILE

Child of God
SHE'S a real person, but she shall just be known as toonyweeny here(:
she loves Sophie(her B flat clarinet) and Sophia(the alto clarinet).
she loves Percy(her piano) just as much too(: she really hopes you remember May 16 as it is an important day to her.
she loves SC and SC Band, and really hopes that things will go back to normal.
she's still waiting and hoping, but don't treat her like a fool(:
she is really really sincere, having been in it for four years.
lastly, she really hopes you have a nice time here :D

33/25/3001

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SITE RULES

RULES PLACED HERE .
- be nice(:
- please don't flame pandas here(:
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WHAT I WANT

WISHLIST
- music stand
- my own clarinet
- Skin Food nail polish! :D
- nice blank notebooks
- albums of band songs
- Whenever You Remember, You Raise Me Up and nice piano scores
- Christian literature
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RESOLUTIONS
- focus on GOD
- be a better daughter
- be more motivated to do stuff
- study hard!
- practise my piano and my clarinet much much more
- do well for grade 7 practical and theory
- get straight A1s
- give my parents more than enough reason to let me go back to church
- get my own clarinet
- be a better person



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