anyways... amanda lim just sent me this message... how popular my name is... so i've been trying out various names...

okay... they gave definitions too... so here we go!

Alyssa: Rational (is Alyssa rational?)
Cassandra: Prophet
Elijah: The Lord is my God (ooh...)
Enoch: Dedicated (sf... start appreciating your name...)
Amanda: Worthy of love
Priscilla: Ancient (wah... Priscilla is ancient... haha... she's only 12...)
Caroline: Beautiful Woman (omg... o.O)
Natasha:Rebirth-from Anastacia (huh?)
Jacqueline: To Protect
Celine: Moon (ha. Celine's face is as round as a moon... very apt)
Eugenia: Well born, noble
Clement: Gentle, merciful
Jessica: Wealthy (can't argue with that)
Michelle: Who is like God? (good name)
(my favourite) Rosalind: Fair Rose (*shakes from surpressed laughter*)
Irene (Ms Kwok): Peaceful (o.O... ms kwok, peaceful? haha)
Ruth: A Companion, Friendship
Esther: Star
Terri(my panda lah! forgetful people...): Harvester
Cheryl: Beloved (o.O)
Ryan: Young Loyalty
Amber(can't believe i checked up on her name!): Precious jewel (she wishes... so evil!)
Felicia: Happiness

wah... so many... there are a lot more other names but it's not in top 1000... so cannot check. sorry people... sorry Dione... your's not in top 1000... for those people i forgot... sorry... but i'm too lazy... sorry people...

so utterly random... small foot made me so random... go scold him, not me.

i've been so weird lately.

later, toony

last day of school peeps... we're officially school-less people... no longer P6es now... should be like Ruth... she actually cried... gave her a big hug... bye bye ruth! all the best!

anyways... we had the farewell concert for Ms Heng today... and i think i left my water bottle in the khoo auditorium... so retarded... sigh... anyways... i was taking so many pictures...

okay... during prize-giving... i was working backstage... and it was so tiring okay? and we, priscilla, fann, esther, jaclyn tay, me and charcoal, had to move curtains, move the speech thingy, switch cables, climb over railings, run here and there, and we could still take pictures. we're so capable.

and then... the flowers for ms heng, were being blown away by the fan. then we were laughing so hard... arranged by mdm norri... haha...

and then... we went to the courtyard... for the flag-waving and school cheer thingy... then there were the banners... the one from sec 3s... they put it down bit by bit... first they put " ms heng"... then "we <3 you" then "a lot"... then we laugh...then the one from primary six... "we <3 u 2!" then nicole helped me take picture...

then... we went back to class to get our bags... while others were dismissed from the courtyard... then... we went to the khoo auditorium... with our tickets... then we sat down to enjoy the show...

first item... handbells... very nice! the bells were nice and halfway through the music, they shouted," thank you Ms Heng!" and we got scolded for being noisy...

then... there was the prefectorial board performance... they sang there you'll be... very nice... then they sang very well... so sweet...

then there was the band... a lot of music... too much actually... but nice nevertheless...

then there was choir... they sang their own song... entitled "My Principal"... then halfway through... some of them sang "Sit properly"... "Speak clearly"... "put your shirt properly"... very funny... all for ms heng... yay...

then... the dance... the tap was the same as the one for prize-giving... but the other dance item was so nice... got real coffee... and food... but never offer me... then... Ms Heng delivered the speech... and she was crying... wah... very sad... then she said that couldn't take any more surprises... but there were more, of course...

after the performance... we went to line the driveway... and there was a car... at the front, there were bears... three of them... one small one wearing SC uniform... another one wearing SC primary P.E. attire... then the middle one was blocked... then at the back... there was a sign... "Just retired. it's off to the BAHAMAS!" then a cartoon picture of Ms Heng... then she drove the car away... and then... she was gone... *cry*

anyways... the prefects came round to collect the SC flags which we were waving as Ms Heng left... but i ran away before she could collect mine... very funny...

then... i think i left my water bottle in the canteen... yeah... canteen... no... aiyah... i retardedly left my bottle in school... then... i saw ruth crying... so went to hug her... then buy milo... then she gave me candy... good girl... then... i left for home... ( i was 1 hour later than i was supposed to be o.O) then had mr bean tau huay and pineapple tart... wah... now i got a bad stomach... and caruna chicken rice

oh yeah... as i was walking home... i was very upset cos' i couldn't find alyssa ee retarded xin mei... then i saw this girl... in black and white... with specs... and looked a lot like the girl in aly's blog... then i saw her panda pins... orange and green... like risheng told me... then i was like "HI!!!" then she said that i scared her... then i asked if she was alyssa... and she said yeah... then i told her that i was panda... then i went home... so weird... haha... now she knows what i look like... good good... haha

bleah... my primary school life has officially ended... bye bye SC Primary! *sniffles*

later, toony

P.S. not as depressed as last time... good good!

well... my blog has had yet another makeover... i had to give up my old skin... for another blog... i was bored of the old one... sigh...

well... just the skin alone is depressing... and i don't really like the format... but it's nicer compared to the others... and i like the snow... but no pandas...

anyways... just one more day of primary school life left, peeps... don't want it to end... i'll take loads of pictures tomorrow... so must stop and pose for me, okay? good. should i bring terri? she's so smelly now... and dirty...

well... anyways... i'm still freaking out... and basically... i don't know why... anyone noticed that my blog has been dead for quite some time? i used to update daily... but my older posts were so random... sigh... i miss school... i don't want school to end...

can you imagine? i can't practise the piano in front of my mum. so i can't wait for monday, when my mum has to work, and i have the house to myself all over again. will be so fun...

anyways... we were preparing flags yesterday... for the lining of the driveway at Ms Heng's farewell party tomorrow... the flag is gold at the top and jade at the bottom, with the cartoon Ms Heng that Ms Heng drew for teachers one teachers' day... then in gold, there were the words "this one's for you, Ms Heng!" it smelled... and my table was efficent and produced "high quality flags"... but the double-sided tape was of low quality, and was so difficult to peel off... my poor fingers...

and then... we started talking about Princess Hours... Janie said that it was actually quite nice to be chaegyung, and then... i stared, then we burst out laughing, much to the annoyance of charcoal... and Fann said," oh my gosh, Janie!" but it's actually quite true... quite good to be CG, but she was so sad... i actually cried for her...

and today, i wasted my time... felt bored the whole entire day... read and read and read... then went shopping for blogskins... haha...

sigh... can't smile... need help people... i can't smile... later i get face cramps how? okay... i smiled...

i'm so weird... cheer myself up... and i wrote a fanfiction today... i have no idea how it is... help...

well anyways... hope no one gets retained this year! all the best!

later, toony

i've... been thinking lately... sometimes... i feel like i only make things worse... i really want to help... but i'll probably make it all worse... sad people normally don't take the thought into account... they are selfish... for once... and... i really don't blame them... and... when i know that they're still upset... a bit of me just goes," you failed again..."

i don't want them to be unhappy... i can't do anything for them... i'm always making it worse... and then... i get sad... and make them worry again... i'm really so useless...

school's almost over peeps... will miss school... not so much of the people in it... but i'll miss school... no matter how horrible it was... i'll miss my dearest friends... i really will...

i'm so terribly worried... and so terribly sad... and insecure... i'm really worried about them... but they won't tall me anything... i'm way too young... still so useless...

on the happier and more innocent mode... i have been thinking of changing my blogskin... but it doesn't have any pandas... so... i'm really not sure...

and we wasted the day away today... we were playing with poker cards even though ms yeo told us not to... then everytime ms yeo walked by... we put the cards underneath our elbows and pretend to be playing scissors paper stone... laugh...

and i've been wasting my day away... watching princess hours... on episode 23 now... 2 left... including 23... it's so sad... but i didn't cry anymore...

but now... i feel so guilty... i just keep feeling that my big brother isn't happy... i really don't know... and because of that... i feel so guilty being happy... it's just terrible... so terribly uncertain...

school's ending... i'm dying... a bit of me will die when that fateful day comes... i won't cry... not in front of others... i won't cry to myself either... i'll keep it within me... i think... and i'll become a ghost... the ghost of toonyweeny... sigh...

so depressing... i really can't wait for church camp... but so little people will be going... sigh...

later, toony

hey peeps... i am totally and utterly bored... i have had so much time to reflect over the past 4 days... and... i must say... i've never been more alone than now... sigh...

kinda depressed... even though i shouldn't be.. maybe having two months of holidays isn't good... my primary school life is coming to an end... i really don't want it to... 12 years... wow... that's a really long time... specially when each day seems like an eternity... really want to appreciate this last 2 weeks... 5 days... how can school be over when i'm finally enjoying it? just doesn't seem fair...

it's gone... it won't come back... i'll miss SC... not so much of the people in it... but i'll miss SC... national day... childrens' day... teachers' day... new year... i was the MC for this year's new year celebrations... thrilling... nerve-racking... but fun... but i spent the whole of this year waiting for weekends...

this year has been draining... friendships made... lost... teasing... getting terrorised... somehow... i wish i had cried in school... would have been so much better... much better than crying to myself... might make them understand... just how complex i am... school's like... a place for me... to get the isolation that i need...

i was just watching Princess Hours... can't believe it... i cried for her... the poor Crown Princess... i really cried... that stupid Crown Prince... must he hurt her so badly? it's not fair for her... the poor girl's sick... and that cousin... came at the wrong time... but he didn't carry her back to the palace, did he? no. the Crown Prince did... so who gave him the right to walk into her room like that? stupid idiot...

oh gosh... the show really made me cry... man... i really wanted to cry for me... but... seems like... i don't treat myself as a human anymore... that just sucks... and... it's something only God can heal... maybe... i just want to be left alone... maybe... i don't... i don't even know myself anymore...

look... sorry people... i'm not like alyssa ee... i can't look on the funny side of things... and school's ending... gonna be an alien in secondary school... never imagined myself in secondary school... don't know if i'll be able to fit in...

last few days in primary school... after that... primary school will be over... over... my status as a primary 6er... i'll be in sec 1 soon... gonna be so different...

life's hard... and i want to stop... but time's sweeping me away... really just want to stay still... but i can't...

i'm kind of a depressing person... can't make myself feel better... specially after watching Princess Hours... really so nice...

well... going back to school tomorrow...

goodbye SC primary!

later, toony

hey all... i woke up this morning... rather tired cos' i stayed up all night to read... anyways... i buttered a slice of wholemeal bread(with a lot of butter) and ate it(it was delicious)... then... i took the other slice of bread... and since it was white... i decided to toast it...

anyways... the toaster took an awfully long time to toast it... so when i heard it pop out... i went to get my toast... and the toast was smoking... and was as black as charcoal's face... for those who don't know... that's really black... and i thought that it would burst into flames any time... so i took it out with a pair of pliers... and transferred it to the sink... and the whole kitchen was filled with smoke... so i had to escape... and couldn't make my milo... so i had to brave the smoke to make my milo... stupid toaster...

and the whole house had the smell of smoke in it... and i wasn't until later that i decided to wash my hair... and the water was black... lesson learnt, smoke is very dirty...

anyways... it's the psle marking days... haven't been doing much... just watching the suite life of zack and cody on youtube... it's quite nice, actually... only the quality is terrible... and i've been reading... and reading... and reading... yeah... i haven't got a life... sad, huh?

well... i haven't been able to get out of the house... i doubt my mum will let me... so i've just been messaging... and frankly, i'm bored... sigh... it's sad, isn't it?

well... i get to sleep in for once... but my body won't let me... i've been waking up at 8 the past few days...

can't believe that in just one week, my life as a primary school kid will be over... i'm too used to primary school life... wonder what secondary school is like... will it be difficult... or tiring... or fun? sigh.. i'm gonna miss SC... highly doubt that i will be able to go on to SC Secondary... well then... which school should i go to? so difficult to decide...

sigh... 1 more week... no flea market... oh... i'm gonna cry... sigh...

bye bye SC! i'll miss you!

later, toony

went bowling today with eugenia, priscilla, esther, nicole, liyan, linda, celine, debbie, cheryl... at SICC... and it was so fun... and we kept laughing...

anyways... we arranged to meet at 2.30... i reached at 2.35... greeted by silence... crows cawing in the background... and i got scolded... and i called my peeps... and waited... and waited... and waited...

then esther came... thank goodness... stopped me from my freak out session... 2.40... only the two of us... and we poked each other... and tickled each other... and played with terri... for all those old people out there... terri's my cute stuffed round ball and she's a panda... that's why she is so cute...

anyways... at 2.45... nicole showed up... then we played with my camera... and terri... and nicole and esther went poking each other... playing catching...

at 2.50... priscilla came... and went into hiding with nicole and esther... for some strange reason... and i saw ruth... and she was TRYING to hide behind her swimming board... but i saw her... and we saw marissa... ruth was there to swim...

at 3... i called linda... and liyan... cos' they still weren't there yet... and i was so mad... liyan was still at home...

eugenia finally arrived... along with everyone else... at 3.20... i waited for 45 mins... and eugenia was in a skirt... can't believe that... she said that her jeans were in the wash... haha...

anyways... i did quite well for bowling... comparatively... and we kept playing with terri... and my friends kept dropping her... and i kept yelling...

then... we had to stop for the stupid junior league... then.... we played pool... and i laughed away... cos' everytime i hit the ball... the ball doesn't roll... it bounces... and rolls back to the original position... and i kept singing breaking free... and almost got whacked by ruth... with the pool stick...

then... i sat down and read... while listening to music on liyan's ipod... high school musical... haha... and i was singing... must have looked weird...

and then we had dinner... and i froze to death... and... we took pictures... but eugenia doesn't smile... sad... and... they kept tossing terri around... and always drop her...poor thing... *hugs terri*

and then... i hitched a ride from eugenia's mum... and i had to point the way... and it was dark... and eugenia and her brother were making farting sounds... and linda and i were (unsuccessfully) trying to surpress our laughter... and ended up bursting into laughter...

anyways... i thought we were lost... and i was freaking out... and then... i saw the white buildings of trevose park... and i just went," thank God, thank God"... cos' i was really freaked out... i hate getting lost...

so i made it home alive... and i won't see eugenia till december... sigh...

anyways, it's late and i have to sleep.

night all.

later, toony

no wonder i felt so lifeless today... that trip to the science centre didn't make me happy... all that insane laughing during lifeskills was just an outburst of emotion... and all my life is gone yet again... i finally figured out why...

i felt like i was floating through space today... the only person whom i can talk to has disappeared... the only person who brought life to me will be leaving soon... the only thing that i can live for is over... my accomplishments have been made... and worst still... the best principal i have ever known will be leaving SC soon... really can't imagine SC without ms heng... and it goes to prove... that even if i survive the holidays... the next year isn't worth it...

it's such an evil cycle... someone gives me high hopes... then that same person brings it all to the ground again... it felt great to be flying again... but i always end up crashing... and it always hurts so much... and i will retreat further... and i will grow scared... scared of the world... i'm not a tough person... and i really want to cry... but i can't... and that sucks... frankly... then my hopes are raised again... and it starts all over again...

i cried yesterday... only for a moment... i really wish that i could be happy... that trip to the science centre brought back such fond memeories... that place where i had my lunch... it was such a blessing... i was still young... naive... happy... really wish that i can go back in time...

the world didn't use to be such a scary place... i had such great faith in it... maybe that's why i keep getting depressed... so alone yet again... cos' i can't feel their presence anymore... and i might never meet eugenia again... i don't want that... i want to be able to see her all the time...

i need a bigger panda... so i can hug it all the time... terri is too small... too young to understand... and i can't cry to anyone except to myself and to God... so exceptionally lonely...

yet again... forgive me... yet again...

bye all... maybe i'll feel better if i cry...

later, toony

went to the science centre today... was so crowded... there were about 4 different schools there... and there were kindergarten kids too... can't believe it...

anyways... the boys there were such jerks... others were idiots... and one airhead in particular was a wannabe... he was acting cool and it totally ticked me off...

walked around in a group with linda, jaclyn and vera... totally didn't like it cos' vera was so irritating...i mean... please just stop acting cool... and julia's toe was run over by that thing... and it was so big and so heavy... and she called vera a "f***er"... not very nice... but she must have been in pain... and that wannabe was not making things easier... stupid idiot...

anyways... science centre is science centre and we happily missed out on the cool exhibits cos' we were kinda lost... but we saw a picture of a panda! =)

but water works was so cool... and i got so wet... and it was so fun... and the ink from the stamp ran all over my hand like blood vessels... it's pretty freaky...

we went to macdonalds... i had my lunch there... i kept looking out of the window... i was looking at the spot where we had our lunch when my sunday school went to the science centre two years ago... it was the best thing that had ever happened to me... and i wanna go back...

eugenia will be leaving soon... and i might never see her again... can't believe how hard it is to keep a friend at one's side... they slip away... to the black pit of oblivion... and gradually... we'll fade apart... small incidents... like forgetting to mention change of phone numbers... e-mail addresses... and gradually... they leave each others minds... without a single memory of each other left... cos' it's all buried deep in one's head... covered with dust and cobwebs... and forgotten... and will gradually decompose to make way for fresh memories...

i don't know if i will cry if she does migrate to melbourne... i really don't know... but i know that i will have lost a part of me... she really is a good friend... i might cry thinking about it... i really don't know...

happy and random thoughts... "chick" is a name for bimbos right? stupid idiot...

anyways... i feel... neutral... for once... i don't really like it...

praying for everyone...

later, toony

did sewing today... as the title states... i kept going "OUCH" and "shit"... then i got scolded for swearing like that...

made a little stocking today... gonna show off at church... the stocking that i made myself... it was so diificult okay... stupid thread won't go into the needle... stupid needle kept poking me... once... it poked me so hard... it bled... then second time... it poked through one bit of skin... not straight in like that... the needle went to the side and through the flesh, and back through the skin so it was poking out again... then i pulled the needle out... and it started bleeding... and fann was so grossed out... and it hurt so much...

can't believe that i may never see eugenia again... her family might be migrating to melbourne... and we'll never see her again... but she invited me to go bowling with her on saturday... hope mum will let me go... but i think that i will be able to go... yay...

stupid bloated charcoal... her face so black... blacker than charcoal... i'm surprised that she know the difference between a panda and a zebra... stupid fat woman... such a gigantic hypocrite... and i really HATE her... cos' i've never hated anyone except her... broke my record....

and i also dislike the people who say bad things about what other people love just to annoy them... cos' those people are seriously touching raw nerves... so i really dislike people who say bad stuff about pandas... and even though i can tolerate loads... i still have limits... i'm no saint and i'm frightfully impatient...

and stop acting cool, people... i will never forgive vera for writing "pandas suck" in everyone's autograph thingy... stupid... stop acting cool vera... it's exceptionally lame... in a bad way...

risheng, however... is REALLY lame... but lame in a funny way... and don't call fann your fan... i doubt she likes it...

and i lost the flyer for church camp... hee hee...

anyways... to my dear peers in school... please stop irritating me...

praying for everyone!

later, toony

hey all... psle is finally over... thank goodness for that... wait... did i mention that in my prevous post? no... i doubt it... it was after science... not after HMT... blur queen... haha...

anyways... after the paper1 of HMT... i wanted to write " 2 more hours to FREEDOM!!!" but ms yeo won't let me... sigh... then they sent us back to class so early... left us there to go high... and i went high... was doing the peter panda dance from the pacifier movie... but i forgot how to do the dance... so in the end... acted like my sister's emoticon pandada and hopped from one leg to the other... haha...

then i started saying happy birthday to everyone... haha... and the paper was so simple... weird leh... language papers were so simple... while maths and science was so difficult...

then... hai qing, jaclyn fong, debbie, celine and fann went to my house for a baking party... debbie is such a good pianist... and she helped me clean up... so nice of her...

went to mcdonalds for lunch... at serene center... everyone there were students... all dressed in school uniform... only us... change before we went out... see? we are so guai...

anyways... cake wasn't what i had expected... but we had fun... but i had to clear up everything... then got scolded by mum... sigh sigh...

then today... had lifeskills... hee hee... and Eugenia came back to join us... and i amused her so much... yippee... poked myself with a needle so many times during handicrafts... then first time... i poked so hard... i wonder why it didn't bleed... and you know what? i sat there LAUGHING... sigh... i must be REALLY over-stressed... sad...

then the thing was so difficult to thread... so difficult to sew... i want to make a pandas rule on my file binder... then my scrapbook i horrific... i think i'll make a new one... don't know where to buy cards... never mind... got two months to make it... during holidays... good good... haha

then cooking was so fun... i annoyed jody... pandas rule peeps! and risheng must be rubbing off on me... now i'm so utterly random and so annoying and so crazy... and the youths at church are really rubbing off on me... now i keep speaking singlish and it's all their fault... sigh sigh...

anyways... we were making garlic bread... my table ate so many pieces of garlic bread... then we make pasta... the chef had such a funny accent... she sounds like Jackie Chan... haha... the thing she used to scoop up the pasta... carolyn called it a back-scratcher... imitating the teacher's accent... laughed away... then the teacher tried a strand of pasta by chewing on it... then she put it back into the pot... and fann went," noo..." then we all LAUGH...

anyways... the stupid parent burnt the stuff you know... and the people at my table ate the burnt stuff... and jody ain't that mean... though she did steal my candy... but she is really quite nice...

then i realised that i forgot my keys... and got scolded by ms yeo... sigh...

and i bought coffee... and went home and finished it... then because of the pasta... i couldn't eat the stuff my mum saved me for my lunch today... so i eat tomorrow... then i was so bored... i don't know why... but the caffeine in the coffee didn't work... and i napped from 3 to 5... i was super tired... and i even had a dream... wow...

anyways... i'm just glad that psle is over...

remember that pandas rule!

praying for everyone again...

later, toony

hey hey hey! just a little something i would like everyone to know about... enjoy =)

While walking along a beach, an elderly gentleman saw someone in the distance leaning down, picking something up and throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, picking up starfish one by one and tossing each one gently back into the water.

He came closer still and called out, "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

The old man smiled, and said, "I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?"

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the elderly observer commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely. Then he bent down, picked up another starfish, threw it into the back into the ocean past the breaking waves and said, "It made a difference for that one."

y'all probably all know that by now... but i still like it a lot. made a big impact on me... hope it made an impact on you too! smile people!

later, toony

wheeeeee... sorry 'bout the depressing post last time... cos' i'm so high now... yay... haha...

small foot was right man... alyssa really is crazy... fit the whole of 4 courage '05 into one toilet cubicle in SC... cubicle so big... scary leh... can see them climbing on the walls... must have been super cramped man... crazy people...

super high today... must be cos' science is over... totally died for that paper... ultra difficult you know... i made a super careless mistake in MCQ... 2 marks gone... die... then i had a black out the moment i saw the first question. picture of plant cell... part x was the cell wall... then they asked " what is the function of x?" and it was so a wonderful coincidence cos' i happily skipped that topic while revising my science... no wait... i skipped the parts of the cell cos' i happily thought that i could remember it... so stupid...

then the stupid paper... keep asking for explanations... how to explain? then the graph thing... do we draw a line of redraw the whole graph? the stupid question wasn't clear... and last question was spread over two pages... i nearly DIED of a heart attack when i saw that... that's twice i died... once on friday and another time today...

what is the problem with local examiners? the papers they set are so easy when it comes to language, yet so difficult when it gets to maths and science? they got a problem with p6es is it? we're too young to die you know...

my grandparents have left already... sigh sigh... they had fun at church... made friends... yay...

i went so high... must be cos' i talked to someone who is very fun to argue with... haha... i told him that i died... of cancer... he won't believe me... says that i'll make it to SC debate team... but i might want to join netball too... sigh sigh... haha... this is called a stupid arguement between smart people... and now i'm laughing in the master bedroom for no good reason... haha... i'm going mad... must be cos' i'm over-stressed... haha...

thanks small foot... made me laugh again... good brother... and sister... and brother again... haha...

*hugs terri* terri is much cuter than risheng's monkey... everyone will agree with me... terri is so round... and bouncy... but she's scared of heights... i wonder why she has yet to die of a heart attack... my bed's a double decker... haha... okay... utterly random... haha...

whee... happy happy! WHOOPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh yeah... don't get me too high... or i'll go mad... haha

later, toony

wah... all my motivation to study is gone. all my highness from school today... all gone...

i have just realised how quickly the world changes... maybe not that quick... three years is quite a long time... sigh... all my friends from fuchun... just don't seem to be my friends anymore... they've all changed... and so have i... if i were still in fuchun... it would probably be all different... or... i would avoid them like the plague... or maybe i would be like them... the bimbos and the fat pig...

so difficult to keep up with time... seconds are ticking past... your time on earth is running out... you're a second closer to leaving this world... to enjoy eternal life with God... or to spend eternity with satan... it's so scary...

then again... will i be able to live to get married? to have children? to see them grow? will my time on earth be that long? will i stay on this planet long enough to have grey hair... or grandchildren?

sadness seems to be so contagious... and worst still... science on monday... don't think i'll survive...

i didn't know about wei zong's leg... learnt about it by visiting cailing's blog... he seemed so perfectly fine... one has to admire him for that... God bless him... he was kind to hui min's panda... he hugged it and waved to it... he is so much like a brother... all that from meeting and talking to him just once at oikos... he didn't tell me... i don't blame him...

sigh... all happy happy feeling all gone again... and now... ri sheng can't comfort me the way he used to on my blog... i've read aly's blog... amusing when i was still high... not really amusing anymore... sigh...

if any happy people read this and become sad... i'm sorry... feeling so happy this morning now seems so impossible... such weird mood swings... i'm just like aly... easily happy... but easily sad... sigh...

worst part is... i don't feel like crying... i have to cry... then it won't feel like everything is bottled up inside me... and at this time too... before the freaking science paper... i hate science... i'm sure to get a c... so difficult to get A... judging by my standard... and i have to get A*... must be top 10 in thhe level... otherwise... goodbye SC! and i will hide in my room and CRY.

damn it... two more subjects to go... so many more years to live... wish i could just jump off a building... but i want to go to heaven... suicide might kill my chances of going to heaven... somehow... i feel like i just can't live that many years...

my grandma and grandpa are coming... they'll be here in an hour... sigh... have to act happy... even though i'm not... damn things...

hope i'll be able to enjoy my weekend...

and i really want to cry...

will you pray for me this time?

later, toony

you know... for someone who is in the midst of psle... i don't feel stressed at all!

poor nicole... have to do psle in the hospital... hope you did fine nicole! all the best!

see arh... i have been wasting the afternoon away listening to music and reading. i'm blogging. and i went SUPER crazy today.

firstly... i went around say," pandas and bears join hands to dominate the world! hahaha!" (i took that from aly's blog by the way...) then, fann corrected me and i went," pandas and bears unite to rule the world! hahaha!" then, we had to go for paper 1...

wah... i was still writing SECONDS before mrs kam asked us to stop... didn't finish checking... die... and i had only 1 blank page left... super nervous man...

then... i must have gone over stressed... after i ate my hello panda, yes, i eat hello panda, i acted as a door alarm at the lecture theatre... everytime someone passes through the door, i say," pandas and bears unite to rule the world!" irritated vera, rachel chan ling li, ruth, nat. sim and joanna... hahaha...

then... nat and joanna TRIED to stuff me in a locker... and they kidnapped my bottle again... sigh...

then when we had to go back to our seats, we just talked away... talk unti dione said to me," you died of cancer?" then... i said," i died of cancer... but i'm still here! i'm a ghost..." then," i'm a ghost. i died of cancer." all the time moving my hands in a wavy manner... haha... laughed all the way back to the room for paper 2...

paper wasn't that difficult really... good good...

and maths wasn't THAT difficult either... can get a* i think...

english was simple... YAY!!!

and my childrens' day celebrations at church... play bingo... hahaha... i'll kill that monkey of small foot's one day... go and whack my pandas... i hope it becomes deformed! and thanks for the chocs small foot... yay yay... forgive your monkey... haha...

heard clement sing... can tease him about it for ages... but i won't... cos' i'm nice...

anyway... walking back home today... walked with linda's friend... i kept saying," pandas and bears unite to rule the world!" and "i'm a ghost. i died of cancer." laughed our heads off... haha... then i said that i'm good for people's health... cos' i make them laugh... then linda said that someone won the lottery... then laugh and laugh and laugh... then DIE! we laugh even more... then i say that it is better to die laughing... hahaha...

and small foot... if you get retained... maybe you might be class mates with my sis... maybe... but i doubt you will... cos' you're so much sarter than me... so much smarter than me... must have faith in yourself... if you do get retained... still must be happy... cos' i think you're smarter than my sis... cos' my sis is so mean...must be happy all the time... don't swear with the f word... my mind has already been tainted... don't taint anymore...

finally can use computer...

and everyone sounds happier...

hope that they are happier...

but i think they are... cos' it's been so sunny lately...

God must be smiling as He looks at us.

praying for all readers!

later, toony