i'm dying... been coughing for so long... last night, i was coughing so bad, i wonder how i managed to sleep... sniffling too... have too escape from that pile of mostly science and chinese homework... like, hello? dying and sick person here....
truth be told... i finally figured out what's wrong with me... i'm dying inside... or maybe... inside... i'm already dead...
most people think that dying is difficult... sometimes i disagree... i find it difficult to live... i'm like a person who's comatose... living for the sake of living... i don't know why... i have to have a reason to live... like... a dream... not for results... not for happiness... a dream... a goal... whatever it is that God created me to do...
it's been difficult for you... it's difficult trying to cheer me up... i'm really touched by it... and i really have to thank you for it... it's rare... for anyone... to try to cheer me up... it's always the other way around... so if you need anything... i can't promise to give it to you... i promise to listen... but i'm still too young... it'll be odd...
just know that if you need to talk to anyone... i might not be the best candidate... but i'll still be there to listen...
i can't imagine me not smiling either... i doubt that i can stand that... but... maybe... that day might just come some day...
maple story... it might destroy my results... shouldn't have downloaded it so soon... damn... pardon the language...
oh goodness... i am quite selfish you know... i want to be happy... for my sake... for your sake... for everyone's sake... but psle year... there should be quite a lot of depressed people... lonely people... people who are afraid... as am i...
i love the past too... that's when i was really happy... carefree... without a worry... camp... never felt so at home until i went to camp... i miss camp so much...
my life's changed... my parents lost my sis... they're gonna lose me too... and i doubt they'll care... oh gosh...
i've just realised... i'm not human anymore... i'm too... i... i mourn too much... as the bible says... the wise are in the house of mourning... something like that...
it also says not to be overwise... why kill yourself before your time? sigh... i don't want to be like this... it's so... lonely... such a dark place... i need to escape...
better get off the com before my mum gets home... *sniffs and coughs*
later, toony
Panda loves !
4:36 PM
PROFILE
Child of God
SHE'S a real person, but she shall just be known as toonyweeny here(:
she loves Sophie(her B flat clarinet) and Sophia(the alto clarinet).
she loves Percy(her piano) just as much too(:
she really hopes you remember May 16 as it is an important day to her.
she loves SC and SC Band, and really hopes that things will go back to normal.
she's still waiting and hoping, but don't treat her like a fool(:
she is really really sincere, having been in it for four years.
lastly, she really hopes you have a nice time here :D
33/25/3001
SOUNDS
SITE RULES
RULES PLACED HERE .
- be nice(:
- please don't flame pandas here(:
- or clarinets
- or pianos.
- leave a tag!
- smile! Jesus loves you!:D
WHAT I WANT
WISHLIST
- music stand
- my own clarinet
- Skin Food nail polish! :D
- nice blank notebooks
- albums of band songs
- Whenever You Remember, You Raise Me Up and nice piano scores
- Christian literature
- ice-cream maker
- Topshop stuff!
- panda stuff
- WORLD PEACE!
RESOLUTIONS
- focus on GOD
- be a better daughter
- be more motivated to do stuff
- study hard!
- practise my piano and my clarinet much much more
- do well for grade 7 practical and theory
- get straight A1s
- give my parents more than enough reason to let me go back to church
- get my own clarinet
- be a better person
